Who will change?

Seeing the TV or the paper

Everywhere I see, I see more than ever

More doubt than trust

More hatred than love

More fight than peace

What happened to these?

I turned to my mother

And my little mouth open

Confused as I was, with what just happened.

I asked her a question, simple and sweet,

Who will it take to change all these?

Is it the politician

Who ask for votes

Is it the painter

Who talks through color

Is it the teacher

Who lectures in class

Or the Dean

Who is responsible for all?

My mother looked, nodded and smiled

It is you my dear, who will fight!

Take the responsibility

No matter what age,

When elders are stuck

You tell them to change.

It won't be easy

It's won't be the same,

And still you tell them, it's time to change

You tell them you choose

You are the change

The answer is simple, it's you my dear who will bring the change!

One day

I said to myself,

One day I will grow up

One day I will not give up

One day I will stand for myself

One day I will be myself

I said to myself,

One day everything will be right

One day there will be sunlight

One day I will not cry

One day I will only try

I said to myself

I am complete

Then why I need to compete?

Let me compete with myself

Make me a better version of self

Now I say not one day,

Now is the time and this is my day!

Now I take things in my hand

No matter who said I can't stand!

This is my time and this is my day

Never again will I say one day!

My fight!

I looked outside the window

It was grey

There I saw a tree

Standing cold and fray

I wondered what gave it strength

I wondered why did it fight

I am still wondering what might be right

I said to the tree you give me strength,

You give me hope,

You give me a reason to hope

You said to me, don't give up!

When times get tough, don’t leave the ship in rough

Fight till the end cause you know you can

Fight till the end cause you know you will

Fight till the end cause you know you want to

Fight till the end cause you know you!

Is this it?

We met

We spoke

There was a fire but now we're broke

We spoke for hours

We drank for nights

We kissed each other passionate good night

You stopped coming

You stopped calling

And even if I knew this was coming

Why was I falling?

I thought we had more

You warned always no

I thought I held back

Clearly, I didn’t back

You said it was open

And I agreed to it

Then why do I want you

When I know you're not it

He said he was scared, as I am emotional

I was a fool, for causing all this commotion

Never again will I take myself light,

I have a heart, I shall love right

I knew you would go and I thought distance would make it better,

But never I thought you would leave midway without a titter

I don't know whom to blame me or my name

I learned my lesson I say never again!

Now I will love for my heart and my soul

My body is material, not my soul

You touch my body, not my soul

How I wish you first touch my soul!

You came and you went, at the right time

You taught me to love and taught me it right

Now that you are gone

I have a moment to spare

To look for love, to nourish and care

I wish you luck and a new life

Forget me my friend and go back to your life

Remember me not as I shall not bind,

This never happened, as long as I survive

I wish you luck on your journey ahead,

Never turn back just throttle ahead

I leave you with love

With care always

Forget me my friend but I will love you always

Don't worry about me, I am as fine as can be,

I loved you enough, to set you free

My body... My responsibility

I thought to myself,

What have I done, turned my temple to grave.

I used you abused you for my state of mind,

I never took care of you I was out of my mind.

I look at myself day and night,

Looking for one justification that I may not find.

I have to change my ways of treating you right,

For now and forever it is your right.

Is it too late I thought to myself,

Then came a whisper that said "never too late".

Now I am scared to look at the consequence,

I'm scared to deal with it in this very instance.

I have to be brave and take responsibility

I know I have it in me, it's my capability.

I love you for now, and ever and ever,

My body, my temple is forever.

I move on with confidence,

Scared though I am.

I can do this I tell myself,

No matter where I am.

It's now my turn to take care of you,

My body, my temple forever it's you.

In my old age nobody will stay,

It's you and me our company I say.

Then let's join hands and work together,

My body my temple forever and ever. 

Being single at 30

Being single at 30 seems to be a crime all of a sudden!

I have friends who make fun of me. I have friends who are beginning to doubt my sexuality. Yes, you read it right! I have friends who talk about my marriage. Who already want to plan my sangeet, mehendi, food and dresses! They are just waiting for a prince charming to come my way rescue me of my “troubles”. I have friends who talk about my attitude. In addition, I have friends who are just silent and stand-by me. I hear whispers of my relatives for finding a “suitable” boy for me. I get dating advice from people who do not know me at all. As much as I appreciate your care, love, and you “looking out” for me, I think I am fine. You do not have to press the panic button just because I am single at 30!

Big deal.

Just because I do want to date no one right now does not mean I am not open to dating. Just because I am not dating, a boy right now does not mean I am a male basher or a lesbian! Just because I say I do not have time for relations does not mean I never want to have one. All I mean is that, I am at a stage in my life right now where my priorities are different. And for that I have absolutely no regrets.

I never had a normal life like many of you people. I do not have a normal functional household. I lost both my parents at the age of 26. The one person I wanted to spend my life with walked out on me immediately after that for his own reasons. I have no hard feelings anymore for that either.  I did not even know how to write a check or to balance a checkbook. But what kept me going is the fact that I had to learn to survive. I learned. I “grew up”. I do not remember cribbing about my situation at all with anyone. In fact as I was always taught to look at the positives in adversity, I saw this as a challenge in learning. I never complained. Honestly, one because I did not have the time to complain and secondly I was learning so much that I did not want to complain. Like simple things, people’s attitude. A common thing I noticed through this journey was, when someone’s children made mistakes, I heard,  “oh they are kids, they are learning!” When I made a mistake, the same people responded, “she is grown up, how can she do such a thing?” And by the way, just a gentle reminder, your kids are probably 10 years elder to me.

I came from an environment where my job was to study and then find a job. By the time I settled in a job, things took a drastic turn and all of a sudden all responsibility was on me. I am not complaining mind you. I loved taking charge. It gave me a new sense of freedom. It made me a strong independent woman. Today, you put me in any situation, I will struggle but I will come out of it with excellence. And I think I can brag about it, because I did it. I think I have come a long way. I have responsibilities that I have to keep ahead of my personal milestones. Very few people of my age see the things I have seen. I like to use them to my advantage. I like to use them to make me a stronger individual. I am very proud of this journey. I am very proud that I handled the situations pretty well. I know I did not do it alone. There were a few of you who supported me. I will not deny that. I am very proud of the fact that I have a loving younger brother who supports my decisions. Who never gave in to societal pressure of marrying off this “elder” sister. I am fortunate to have my aunt, uncle and cousin who take care of my brother and me. Who are everyday learning to deal with us we to deal with them.

If you taught me to be strong, and independent, then respect the values and the choices I make with them. Who are you to dictate my life turns? Where were you I was struggling in my life? Where were you when I cried myself to sleep missing my parents? Where were you when I was having a hard time dealing with teenager and his emotional difficulties? You left me then to deal with it as it was a “learning process”.

Then answer this, who gave you the right today to judge me and my decisions? My age? My ability to stand on my feet? Or my open mindedness with which I came to you to ask my doubts while I was learning. Who are you to press the panic button today as I turn 30? Where was your love, care and concern when I needed you the most? If you did not stand by me then, I will not listen to you now.

So all I want to say is buzz off…

Yes, I am 30. I am proud of being a single girl at 30. It makes me a strong independent woman. I have my own way of life.

And if you can’t deal with it I can’t help you.  

Mission Sawai...

After so many years... This was the first year I managed to go for Sawai Gandharva. It is the 57th yr of Sawai Gandharva this year- a classical music festival in Pune. My mother went there every till she could. I wondered why until now...
Let me tell you a little more about Sawai- as it is known popularly. Sawai Gandharva Sangeet Mahotsav, is held annually in Pune since 1953 started by Arya Sangeet Prasarakh Mandal and Pt. Bhimsen Joshi. Artist from various parts of the nation are invited to Pune in the second week of December to showcase their talent in Hindustani Classical music. This is one of the best platforms to launch new artist while continuing the tradition of classical music in the society.
Well my mother used to play the sitar. I tried learning but the teacher gave up... Well since she used to play classical music has always been in the family. However, honestly I barely follow anything at all, I decided to train my ear. My first step was listening to some classical music while studying. I enjoyed it... as I mainly listen to Flute and Santoor. Somehow both these instruments refresh me. Next was talking to my friends. A couple of them learn music so they have been a great help. I barely understand the high-fundu music language, but then there is always a first time... right.
Now let’s go to Sawai. So... it was Thursday. After office meeting, a couple of my friends and me decided to go for the festival. They were regulars; I was the “newcomer”. We got the ticket and took our seats. Pandit Jasraj, an Indian Classical vocalist belonging to the Mewati Gharana of Hindustani Classical music was the performer for the evening. (Gharana is a system of social organisation for linking of the musician or dancers by adhering to a particular style of music or dance). And once Panditji (as he is fondly known) began singing you just don’t want him to stop. It was quite funny to start with.
When he started singing, I was sitting and looking around. I could not follow a word and didn’t know what to do. So I began looking around. Interesting people surrounded us (including ourself who had already received a couple of warning to keep our voice low.. anyways thats us). Two girls began dancing. I enjoyed their dance. Some women were knitting sweaters, some children sleeping, some children looking at their parents as though say, “man stop torturing me!!!”, however, 90 per cent of the people enjoying Panditji’s song. I could not make out if all those people were really understanding the rhythm and really understood music while some were just copying the people sitting next to them. Nevertheless, once the atmosphere was set u simply get hypnotised and you are absorbed in that environment. The atmosphere was such that even if you did not understand a word, one could enjoy his singing. Soon I realised that the people were not really copying (may be except a few) but the vibes and the atmosphere was such that you could not help but be one with Panditji. It was magic. And like I said, you don’t want him to stop. The last song by Panditji, Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya was simply splendid. We audience we simple left spell-bound in the true sense of the term, never before I had experienced such atmosphere.
Like it is truly said first impression is the last impression. I am definitely going back next year and hope to get a chance to listen to and see some more artists. Hope to by then learn a little more about Hindustani Classical Music. I would urge all those who like me have never been a part of Sawai to definitely try even if u are naive in music... it is worth your time...